Darkness
by purplepagoda
Summary: A new case might set Jane over the edge. When your past is something you try to hide, it only comes back to bite you. Sometimes your secrets consume you, and drag you into a dark place. Will Maura be able to help jane out of the darkness b4 it's too late?
1. Out Of It

Rizzoli listens to Maura, staring at her blankly. Mid-sentence Maura stops speaking. Jane continues to stare at her.

"Jane," Maura repeats for the third time.

Jane returns to reality. She looks at Maura, then at the kid on the cold stainless steel slab in front of her.

"Is something wrong? You're being unusually quiet."

Jane shakes her head, and takes a step back, "I've got to go."

"Did I do something?" Maura questions as Jane reaches the doorway.

"No. I've just got to go."

Hours later, deep into the night, Maura finds Jane at her desk. The bullpen is nearly empty. There are a couple of other detectives in the corners of the room. The only sound is the sound of the computer humming. Maura stops steps away from Jane. Jane sits at her desk in her chair, with her feet on her desk. She stares at the computer screen. Maura's presences doesn't seem to bring Jane out of her daze. Maura gently touches Jane's hand.

"What are you still doing here?" Maura questions.

Jane looks up from the computer. She stares at Maura wordlessly.

"Jane, are you ok?"

"I'm fine," she huffs.

"Maybe you should head home, you look exhausted," Maura suggests.

"Yeah, you're right," she agrees.

Jane leaves. Maura returns to the morgue and grabs her back. She heads out. When she steps onto the street a familiar voice calls after her.

"Dr. Isles," a familiar voice calls.

Maura turns around, "Mrs. Rizzoli..."

"Have you seen Jane? She missed her dad's birthday party."

"She just left."

"Do you know where she went?"

"I think that she headed home."

"Oh, ok," Angela turns to leave.

"Wait, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Is Jane ok? Is something going on with her?"

"Not that I know of, why?"

"She's been really quiet and reserved since this case started."

"Jane? My Jane has been quiet and reserved?"

"Yes. Maybe it's just the case, but she hasn't been herself."

"Can I ask what the case is about?"

"A little girl. The mother took her to the park, she walked away to answer a phone call, and when she turned around the little girl was gone. They found her off a footpath in the park. Someone took her and..."

"You should ask Jane."

"Is there a reason she's acting so weird?"

"You should talk to Jane about it."

"Is there something that I should know?"

"All I can say is that cases with kids really bother her."

"Ok," Maura replies.

The following morning Maura shows up at Jane's apartment with doughnuts. She finds Jane half-asleep in the couch in her sweats.

"Why aren't you dressed yet? It's eight o'clock."

"I'm taking the day off."

"Why? Are you sick?" Maura asks sliding under Jane's legs onto the couch.

"That's a nice look by the way," Maura taunts.

"Did you bring those doughnuts for me or..."

"Would you like one?" Maura questions.

"I'm a cop, and I'm not above stereotypes," she answers.

"I'll let you have one, but you have to tell me what's wrong first."

"Nothing."

"Nothing? You've barely said ten words in the last twenty four hours."

"Sorry. I just don't..."she stops.

"You don't want."

"Why do people have kids if they don't want to watch them? How can you just let your kid disappear?"  
"Jane you can't watch a kid every second of everyday."

"You can if you're in a public place. Do you know how many creeps are out there?"

"What is this really about? Did something happen to you as a child? You can tell me if something happened," she says in a patronizing voice.

"Nothing happened to me as a child."

"So why have you been so quiet and distant since this case started?"

"I...Can I have a doughnut or not?"

Maura hands Jane a doughnut, and a cup of coffee. "Now explain yourself," she begs.

"I can't," she replies as she takes a bite.

"Can't or won't?"

"Maura," she starts in a stern voice, "stay out of it."

"Jane I'm trying, but I'm worried about you."

"Maura drop it."

"Fine, but you have to go to work."

"I don't want to."

"Why not?"

"I'm sick," she lies.

"You are not sick."

"I'm just sick of people thinking that it's ok to bring children into the world, and then not take care of them. If you don't want a child, if you don't want to sacrifice eighteen years of your life then you shouldn't have one. I can't believe how selfish people are."

"Where is this coming from?"

"I don't know," she shrugs.

"Jane..."

"Maura go to work."

"I'm not going unless you do."

"I'm not going."

"Yes you are," Maura begins sniffing, "but you should take a shower first. When did you shower last? You're ripe."

"Maura I'm not going to work. I don't care what I smell like."

"Look whatever this is, get over it. Come on," Maura slides out from under Jane's legs, "Get up," Maura tries to hoist Jane off the couch.

"No," she crosses her arms in protest.


	2. Secret

Maura finally convinces Jane to go to work. Around noon Maura comes up from the morgue. She leans up against Jane's desk as Jane types furiously.

"Hungry?"

"Maura I'm not hungry. Leave me alone," she snaps.

"Fine. I'm going to lunch. Would you like me to bring you back something?"

"No. Maura leave me alone," she insists.

"Fine," Maura gives up, and heads for the door.

On her way out of the building she bumps into Jane's mother.

"Where are you going?" Angela questions.

"I'm headed to lunch."

"Jane isn't going with you?"

"No, she's in a terrible mood."

"I was going to go see if she wanted to go to lunch with me."

"I wouldn't suggest it."

"That bad huh?"

"Yeah," she answers.

"In that case, do you think that I could join you for lunch?"

"Sure."

After they order Maura drills Angela about what could be bothering Jane.

"Look I can't tell you. You need to ask Jane."

"I have, and she won't tell me."

"She'll kill me if I tell you."

"She wouldn't."

"No. She really would kill me if I told you, and no one would ever find the body, and if on the off chance that they did there is no way they'd be able to identify me."

"Please," Maura begs.

"I can't tell you," she argues.

"Just give me a hint," Maura begs.

Angela purses her lips. She grabs her purse and riffles through it. She pulls something out, she looks at it for a few moments, and then hands it to Maura. Maura studies the picture.

"A picture of Jane as a baby?"

The waiter brings the check.

"Show her the picture. I can't make any promises, but if you ask her about it, she'll have a hard time not answering."

"Ok," Maura agrees.

Finally the day is over, Jane finds Maura waiting on her next to her desk when she returns from the bathroom.

"Maura leave me alone."

"I thought that I could buy you a drink?"

"Fine," she huffs.

They reach the bar, and Maura orders them both drinks. Jane has gotten a couple of drinks in her when Maura pulls the picture out of her purse. She slides it across the table.

"Where did you get this?" Jane quizzes.

"Does it matter?"

"Maura where did you get this?"

"Why are you getting so upset? She said you would get upset. I should have listened."

"Who said that?"

"No one," Maura lies.

"You can't lie," Jane warns.

"Fine, your mother gave it to me."

"I'm going to kill her."

"Jane, please just talk to me. Why are you getting so upset about this picture? Isn't it just a baby picture of you?"

"It's not me," Jane answers.

"So who is it?"

"Maura there are a lot of things that you don't know about me."

"Like what?"

"Where do I start?"

"At the beginning," Maura suggests.

"Maura this isn't really any of your business."

"You'll feel better if you tell me."

"No I won't. Nothing is going to make me feel better."

"Just tell me what's bothering me, then I'll leave you alone."

"No you won't, you'll just badger me even more."

"Please Jane. I'm just trying to be a friend."

"You're not doing a very good job at it. I tell you to stay out of it, and you put yourself in the middle of it."

"Jane, please just tell me. It can't be that bad."

"You want to know the real reason that I decided to go to the academy instead of a four year college?"

"I thought that it was because you didn't want your father to break his back to pay for it."

"That was only part of it, but it wasn't the deciding factor."

"So what was?"

"His name was Ryan."

"You let a guy decide for you?"

"Not exactly."

"So what happened?"

"I really liked him. We had been together for about six months. My mother and I had an argument one night, and so I left. He picked me up. I was ticked because my mother told me that he was a loser, and that it would never work. So just to spite her we drove to Atlantic City and eloped."

"You got married? Just to make your mother angry?"

"I thought that if she was going to be angry she should have a better reason."

"So you ran off and got married?"

"I was eighteen years old, it seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Obviously it didn't work."

"I hate to admit this, but my mother was absolutely right."

Maura interrupts, "Wait why was your mother angry in the first place? She just didn't like him, or what?"

"She had her reasons. In hind sight she was probably justified."

"What were her reasons?"

"She was pissed because she thought that he got me pregnant," she admits.

"Excuse me?"


	3. Heartbroken

"You heard me," Jane answers.

"Did she have a reason to think that he got you pregnant?"

"At the time I was convinced that she was insane. She of course was convinced that I was pregnant. When I got back from Atlantic City she was even more convinced."

"Why did she think that in the first place?"

"I got sick on graduation day, and refused to eat her three bean casserole. I told her that she was crazy, and left. She bought a pregnancy test, and it set me over the edge."

"Because?"

"My mother is a nut. I refused to take it."

"So what happened when you got back?"

"She cried, and stayed in bed for three days."

"Because you got married?"

"Because I was throwing my life away with a loser who didn't have a job, and couldn't support me."

"So what made her finally come around?"

"She didn't. I had a fight with Ryan, and went home in the middle of the night sobbing. She didn't say a word. She didn't tell me that I was wrong, or ask for an apology."

"What was the fight about?"

"Mostly it was about my mother."

"He didn't like her?"

"No. What he said should have been a sign, but it wasn't."

"So you got the marriage annulled?"

"After a year."

"A year? Why did you wait so long?"

"Because of my father."

"Your father liked him?"

"No he despised him, but he gave him a job."

"Why? Why didn't he just let him..."

"He thought that he should learn to be responsible."

"So did you go back to him?"

"Unfortunately."

"Why?"

"Because my mother is the most irritating individual on the face of the planet."

"I thought that your mother didn't like him."

"She hated his guts..."

"What changed?"

"She was right."

"Right? About what? Him being a loser?"

"No the other thing," Jane answers.

"What other thing?"

"That's what the fight was about."

"What are you talking about?"

"She was right," Jane repeats numbly, casting her glance to the picture on the table.

"You were pregnant?" Maura whispers.

Jane nods.

Maura points to the picture, "This is her?"

"Yeah."

"But you don't have a kid. What happened?"

"Ryan didn't want to be saddled with a kid, so eventually I kicked him out. I didn't need him in my life. So I moved back in with my parents. I stayed there until she was born. Then I moved into my own apartment."

"You don't have a kid," Maura repeats.

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to go to school, work, and take care of a newborn?"

Maura simply shakes her head.

"I thought that I was going to have to be committed."

"What happened?"

"While I was at work she would stay with my mother. I would get off, and most of the time it would be late at night or early in the morning. I would fall asleep for a while. I would set my alarm so that I could get up with her when she woke up at seven. Of course Ryan wasn't around much. He didn't do much. He might have seen her three, or four times."

"Jane what happened?"

"Peyton was four. One morning I dropped her off to preschool. I had just gotten called in, so I didn't walk her into her classroom. I just dropped her off at the school's entrance. When my mother went to pick her up at noon the teacher said that she never made it into the classroom. I should have taken the time. Maura it was my fault. She was four she..."

"What happened?"

"Witnesses said they saw a green firebird pull up just after I pulled out. He rolled down the window and she got in."

"Who was it?"

"It was Ryan."

"Where did they find her?"

Jane stares at her drink for a moment. She then looks at the picture. Her eyes finally meet Maura's. She takes a deep breath and chokes back tears, "They never did. They found the firebird wrapped around a tree. It caught on fire, but there wasn't anyone inside. They found blood in the seat..."

"Jane why didn't you ever say anything."

"I guess if I pretend that it's not real then it can't be. How could I have let that happen?"

"It wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was. I should have been a better parent. I should have spent more time with her. I should have done more. I should have saved her. Every day for the rest of my life I have to wonder if she's dead or alive. If she's alive and miserable, or if she's lying at the bottom of the river, dead, and has been for eight years."

"Why did he take her?"

"He wanted to see her. He threatened to take me to court, and I told him that he would never see her. I would run away before I'd let him see her."


	4. Nothing To Say

Maura follows Jane into her apartment. Jane leaves Maura standing in the living room. She returns to from her bedroom in a pair of flannel pajama bottoms, and a white t-shirt. She plops down on the couch, and Maura takes a seat at the other end. Jane hands Maura a book.

"What's this?" Maura questions.

"All I've got," she admits.

Maura opens the book, and finds a baby picture in the center of the page. She flips through. Jane stops her when she gets to the last page. Maura stares at the picture of the little girl. She's wearing a pink sundress, with white sandals. Her dark locks end at her shoulder. A pink headband keeps her hair out of her eyes. She stands in front of Angela's front door, with a smile on her face.

"That was her first day of preschool. It's the last picture I have of her."

"Jane she's beautiful."

"She was perfect."

"I'm surprised she was wearing a dress."

"She was a girly girl. That was my mother's doing, of course."

"Jane..."

"You don't have to say anything. There is nothing to say. I wonder what I could have done differently. I wonder what else I could have done to find her. Everyday I hope that I'll get a call that they found her," Jane's voice cracks, "but after seven years... I don't know what would be left to find," she admits with tears in her eyes.

"Jane..."

"I spent every waking hour for years looking, searching for anything. I hoped that someone missed something, that I would find something that would lead me to her but... there's nothing."

"No bank records or..."

"He drained all of them, and cancelled all of his credit cards. His cell phone was in the car. His only relatives are his parents, and they're still here."

"Do you think that she's still alive?" Maura questions.

"As her mother, I want to believe that she is, but as a cop...I know the chances."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

"Do you want me to stay?"

"No," Jane shakes her head.

Maura gets off the couch, and heads for the door. "I'll see you in the morning?" she questions.

She simply nods. Instead of going home Maura goes to the lab. She begins doing some research.

Jane heads down to the morgue around eight. She takes a cup of coffee for Maura. When she reaches the lab she finds Maura asleep next to the keyboard in her dress from the day before. Jane sits the coffee down on the counter top, and quietly tiptoes around the other side of Maura. "Man this one has a really nice head wound," she says loudly.

Maura's head pops up, and she looks around. She shoots Jane a dirty look.

"Good morning."

"Do you need something?" Maura questions.

"Just thought I'd bring you some coffee," Jane admits.

Maura's eyes light up. Jane grabs the cup off the counter and hands it to Maura.

"Were you here all night?" Jane accuses.

"What would make you think that?"

"Oh, I don't know. Isn't that the same outfit you were wearing yesterday."

"Ok. You caught me."

"So why were you pulling an all nighter?"

"I'm trying to put this case to bed."

"And did you find COD?"

"Yes..."

"But?"

"You aren't going to like it."

"Of course I'm not. It's a kid..."

"It's going to enrage you," Maura warns.

"How did she die?"

"What I found was consistent with malnutrition."

"The mother was lying?"

"About a lot more than you thought."

"What do you mean?"

"This little girl is not four years old. Her teeth and her bones are comparable to that of a six year old. So I did some digging."

"What did you find?"

"She's six."

"I saw the birth certificate."

"For her sister."

"She doesn't have a sister," Rizzoli points out.

"She has a four year old half sister whose father has custody of her."

"Why does he have custody? Judges don't usually..."

"I don't know. That's your job."

"How long?"

"How long what?" Maura questions.

"How long has this been going on?"

"I'd say for at least three years."

"I've got to go fill my partner in."

"Ok."

That night Maura finds herself at the bar, waiting to see if Jane will show up. She's checking her watch when Jane slides in the booth on the other side of the table. Maura looks up at Jane.

"Long day, huh?"

"I can't believe that anyone could do that to a child."

"The mother confessed?"

"She left the girl at home everyday while she went to work. When we searched the house the only thing in the refrigerator was beer, and butter. There was a loaf of moldy bread in the cabinet, and a package of expired crackers. She would work doubles. According to the neighbor the only time the little girl got to eat is when she would take her over peanut butter sandwiches."

"Why didn't she call children's services?"

"She did on at least half a dozen occasions, and they never came."


	5. Drowned

The next night Maura finds Jane at their booth, drowning her sorrows. She slides into the seat across the table from her best friend. Jane doesn't say a word. She just downs another drink. Maura survey's the table full of empty bottles and shot glasses.

"How long have you been here?" Maura questions.

"I don't know," Jane shrugs.

"You look exhausted don't you think you should head home?"

"Maura you're not my mother," Jane answers.

"I'm not, but I could call her."

"Maura don't start with me."

"I don't understand what you're going through, but this is not a good way to deal with it."

"Maura... stay out of it."

"Jane, please, go home."

"Stop worrying about me."

"How? You're drowning your sorrows."

"You would be too."

"Maybe I would, but I wouldn't be blaming myself for something I wasn't responsible for."

"You don't get it."

"Yes I do. I do get it. You may never have an answer, you may never be able to forgive yourself for something you didn't do, but you can't stop living."

"Why not? I don't have..."

"There aren't very many cops like you. You see things that other people don't see. You bring victims justice, that means something."

"It doesn't matter how many crimes I solve. If I solved a million cases it wouldn't make up for the one I couldn't."

"Please go home."

"Why? There's nothing there. There's no one there. There is no reason for me to go home."

"What about your dog?"

"He's staying with my mother for the weekend."

"Why?"

"Because my dad went on a fishing trip, so I thought she could keep her company."

"Get up!" Maura demands.

"Maura what are you doing?"

"You're going home."

"Or what? What are you going to do if I don't?"

"Jane lower your voice, you're making a scene."

"I don't care."

"Jane come on!" Maura insists.

"No," Jane crosses her arms across her chest.

"Ok, you leave me no choice," Maura flips out her phone and begins dialing.

"What are you doing?"

"Calling your mother."

"You wouldn't."

"Are you sure?"

"Maura..."

Maura holds up her finger to Jane as a voice comes on the other end of the phone. Jane pulls the phone away from Maura's ear. She yanks it out of her hand, and hangs it up.

"So are you ready to go home now?"

"Whatever."

The car screeches to a halt, and Jane jerks back into consciousness. She looks out the window at a house. She looks at Maura who is sitting in the backseat, next to her.

"You've got to be kidding me."

Angela pulls open the door, and drags Jane out of the house.

Maura gets a call three hours later. She rolls out of bed, and into her vehicle. She finds Frost waiting at the crime scene for her. She finds him waiting in the back yard of a residence, next to the pool.

"Where's Jane?"

"I think she's on her way."

"Think?"

"I couldn't make out what she was saying on the phone," he admits.

"Where is the body?"

"In the pool."

Maura looks inside the pool. She sees a body at the bottom.

"I didn't know if you wanted the pool drained, or it you wanted someone to pull the body out."

"Why is the body at the bottom of the pool?"

"You're the scientist," Frost answers as he loosens his blue necktie.

Jane shows up as the body is being hoisted out of the pool.

"Glad to see you decided to join us," Maura smiles.

"Shut up Maura."

"Something going on between you two?" Frost questions.

"What was your first clue?" Jane growls.

Frost looks around. He looks to the glass french doors. "I think I'm going to go inside and help out," he turns and leaves them.

Hours later Jane makes the journey down to the morgue. She finds Maura examining the body.

"What do you have for me?" Jane questions.

"He didn't drown."

"Good to know. Anything else?"

"Not yet," Maura answers.

"I'll..."

"Yeah," Maura answers.

"Do you..." before Jane can finish Maura's phone starts ringing. Maura stops what she's doing, and pulls off her gloves. She grabs the phone. Jane slips out quietly. After Maura hangs up the phone she puts the body back into the freezer. She washes her hands, and goes to find Jane. Jane is doing paperwork at her desk when Maura enters the bullpen. She waltzes over to Jane's desk.

"Can we talk?"

"I'm busy," Jane answers.

"This can't wait."

"Maura, whatever it is will have to wait."

"I need to talk to you now. In private."

"Maura I know that you think you're the most important person in the world, but you aren't."

"And neither are you, now I need to talk to you."

"You're obviously not going to go away."

"Nope, not until I talk to you."

"Fine," Jane huffs.


	6. Lost and Found

Maura takes Jane into an empty conference room, and locks the door behind them.

"Have a seat," Maura advises.

Jane rolls her eyes, but obeys, sliding into a red, upholstered, chair with wheels on the bottom. Jane purses her lips. She taps her fingers on the table top. Maura looks at Jane, who is, as always, dressed very casually. She's wearing black pants, and a fitted gray t-shirt. Her hair is in a sloppy pony tail.

Jane stares at Maura. She grows increasingly more annoyed with each passing moment of silence. Even on three hours of sleep she could look perfect. Her make-up was flawless, and there wasn't a hair out of place. Of course she was wearing a dress, today's color choice was merlot.

"Maura what do you need to talk to me about?"

"You may want to prepare yourself."

"Prepare myself for what?"

"You should pack a bag," she answers.

"Pack a bag? I'm not going on vacation. Maura we're in the middle of a case."

"You should let Frost worry about it."

"Why?"

"You should be on the next flight."

"The next flight? Where am I going?"

"Maybe I should go with you."

"Go with me where? Where am I going?"

"Indiana."

"Indiana? Why would I want to go to Indiana? There's nothing in Indiana but corn, and the Colts."

"The Colts?"

"The football team."

"Right," Maura nods.

"Why do you want me to go to Indiana?"

"I may have done something I shouldn't have."

"And you want me to help you runaway?"

"No the only person I may need to run from is you," she admits.

"Why? What did you do?"

"Short version, or long version?"

"Whichever will get me out of this room the fastest."

"I did some research, made some calls, and... now you've got to go to Indiana."

"That explains nothing."

"You've got to help out with an investigation."

"What investigation?"

"An FBI investigation."

"What FBI investigation?"

"I may have called in a favor with the FBI."

"Why?"

"I don't really now how to put this..."

"Put what?"

"They've located Ryan Grier," Maura reveals.

Jane's face loses all color. She waits for the punch-line.

"Your flightis already booked."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Jane just go."

"Just go?"

"Just go. I'll take care of everything here."

"I..."

"Don't worry."

"I..."

"Jane, just go."

"What do you know?"

"That's all I know."

"So..."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"I don't want to have to call you, and make you fly to Indiana in the middle of the night," Jane responds.

"Ok," Maura agrees.

In the air Jane displays a multitude of anxious behaviors. First she jiggles her leg. From there she bites her nails. Then she starts tapping her nails on the arm rest. Finally Maura, who is sitting in the seat next to her, the window seat, yanks the earbuds out of her ears. She turns to Jane.

"I know you're anxious, but could you please sit still."

"I'll try."

"Why don't you listen to this?" Maura offers her ipod.

"I'll pass."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Can I stop you?"

"Probably not."

"What's the question?"

"I pictured you as a Patriots fan..."

"I don't know where you're going with this," Jane admits.

"Peyton Manning, he plays for the Indianapolis Colts," Maura replies.

"Yeah? And..."

"Isn't that where you got the name?"

"I...yes," Jane nods.

"After a football player?"

"Can we not go there right now?"

"Absolutely, but I don't think you're going to need me."

"Why? Do you think I'm going to need an anthropologist?"

"No. I don't think that you're going to need anyone."

A voice over head announces, "We will now begin our descent into Indianapolis."

Jane grips the arm rest.

"Jane..."

"Don't say anything," Jane answers.

"Can I say one thing?"

"That depends."

"Jane no matter what we find, or don't find... I'm here for you."

"I should be mad at you, you know that right?"

"I shouldn't have..."

Jane cuts her off, "It's ok."


	7. Hide and Seek

A FBI agent meets them at the airport. The car ride is mostly silent. After about forty five minutes the black SUV slows to a stop. The agent turns to Jane, who sits next to Maura in the backseat.

"There are bullet proof vests behind you."

"What's the situation?"

"Neighbors said he moved in three days ago, in the middle of the night. They've seen him outside picking up the paper. They've also seen him leaving for work."

"Is anyone living with him?"

"They haven't seen anyone, but an orange cat who sleeps on the front porch all day. We don't know if there is anyone else in the house, but he is definitely in there."

"Ok," Jane nods.

"Do you want to go in?"

"There's no way you'd be able to stop me," Jane answers.

"Then let's go, they're waiting on us."

Jane gets out of the car. Maura stays in the car as Jane and the FBI agent walk to the other side of the street. Maura watches as Jane puts her vest on. Another man begins talking to Jane. Jane nods. The man hands her a gun.

"Ready?" she agent with salt and pepper hair asks.

"As I'll ever be."

"Are you sure that you're ready to do this?"

"Yes," Jane nods.

The house is surrounded by FBI agents, and police officers. The man with grey hair leads the pack to the front door. Two agents wait for the signal to knock the door down. Jane throws her hand up.

"Yes Jane?"

"Knock first," she begs.

"You're right," he agrees.

The two men in front of him wait for a signal. "You heard the lady, knock first," he growls. An officer steps up to the door and knocks, "FBI, open up," he barks.

"Back up! I'll come out," a voice on the other side of the door answers.

The lead agent nods, and everyone takes a step back. He makes an announcement over the radio.

"Ok," one of the agents answers, "We're ready. Step out please."

The door opens, and a tall man with sandy hair steps out. He steps forward. Jane stands aside, just watching and waiting.

"Is there anyone else in the house?" an agent asks.

"Does it matter," Ryan answers.

Jane takes a step back, and allows Ryan to be paraded through the sea of people, toward the cruiser. Jane feels her chest tighten.

"Jane," a gruff voice calls out. She steps forward, onto the porch.

"Yes, sir," she answers.

He holds out his hand, palm up. She hands him her weapon. She rips her vest off.

"I didn't clear the scene. I'm going to let you go in, and I'm going to send an agent in behind you, ok?"

"Yes, sir," she answers.

She steps into the house. She quickly moves through the living room, past the kitchen into the hallway. She comes on an open door, and pokes her head in. She finds an empty dining room. She goes to the next room. She pulls the door open, and finds a master bedroom with a mattress, and box-springs on the floor. She moves to the next room. She pulls the door open, and finds an bathroom. She reaches the end of the hall, and the last door. She takes a deep breath, and turns the knob on the door. She pushes it open slowly. She finds a dark, quiet room. The light from the hallway illuminates part of the room. She sees a desk with a lamp. She tiptoes into the room, and flips on the lamp. She finds a bunk-bed with an empty bottom bunk. Ahead of her is the closet. To her right is a small bookshelf. She steps over to the bed. She steps onto the bottom rung of the ladder, and peers over the edge of the bed. Jane sees a little girl with long, dark hair. The little girl sleeps with her back facing Jane. Jane touches the little girl's shoulder.

"Wake up, sweetheart," she whispers.

The girl's eyes pop open, but she doesn't budge. She just listens. "Can you hear me? It's very important that you wake up," Jane adds.

The little girl rolls over to face Jane. She doesn't say a word. She just looks at Jane.

"Who are you?" she questions.

"I'm Jane, who are you?" Jane asks as her heart sinks.

"I'm Emily."

"How old are you Emily?"

"Five," she answers.

"Emily are you the only one here?"

"Daddy's here."

"What about your mom? Where is she?"

"She's dead."

"So you're alone?"

"No, my sister is here."

"Your sister? Where is she?"

"She's supposed to be in bed."

"In here?"

"Yes," Emily answers.

"Sweetheart I don't see her."

Jane steps off the ladder. The little girl climbs down the ladder. The little girl goes over to the closet. Jane looks inside the closet, but doesn't see anything other than clothes.

"Emily did you think she was in the closet?"

"No, turn on the light," Emily instructs.

Jane flips a light switch inside the closet. Emily points to the top of the closet.

"Sometimes when daddy gets mad she hides up there."

"Why does she hide?"

"She doesn't like when he gets angry. She found a hiding spot. She's probably in the attic."

"How does she get into the attic?"

"She climbs to the top shelf, and slides the door open."

Jane takes a step back, she takes the wooden chair underneath the desk into the closet. She slides the small white piece of wood on the ceiling back.

"Sweetheart are you up there? Can you come down please? It's alright, you're safe now. I've got Emily with me. Will you come out please?"

"Who are you?" a voice answers.

"I'm detective Rizzoli, you can call me Jane."

"I don't want to."

"You don't want to come down?"

Feet, and legs covered by pink pajama bottoms appear before another word is said.

"Do you want me to move?" Jane questions.

"Yes," the girl answers.

Jane steps out of the closet. The girl's lower half dangles as her upper body reaches the top shelf of the closet. The little girl jumps onto the floor of the closet before Jane can offer to help her. She pushes her hair out of her face, and stands up. She steps out of the closet, and turns the light off behind her.


	8. Unanswered Prayers

She wraps her arms around Jane. She hugs her tightly. Finally she looks up at Jane. "I won't call you Jane," she answers. Jane smiles from ear to ear.

"Peyton! Don't be rude," Emily scolds in a tiny five year old voice.

"Emily it's ok, she won't mind."

An officer comes and gets Emily. Jane stands frozen, with her daughter's arms wrapped around her. Finally she takes a breath, and returns to reality.

"We should go."

"Wait."

"What?"

"You've got to find Emily's mom."

Jane looks down at her daughter. "I thought she was dead."

Peyton shakes her head. "No she's missing Emily."

"Are you sure?"

"I was there."

"You were there? Peyton what are you talking about?"

Peyton takes a seat on the bottom bunk. Jane bends down to her level. Listening as Peyton paints the picture, "I was six, and dad had a girlfriend. He was at work, and she was watching me. She was watching Emily too. Emily was her friend's baby. She was so little, maybe a month old. Sarah had been dad's girlfriend for a couple of months. She was nice to me, and so I told her. When dad got home from work we were in the car. She was getting ready to leave. He made her get out of the car. He took her in the house. I heard two shots. When he came back to the truck I could see fire through the front window. He didn't realize Emily was even in the car until we were an hour away, and by then it was too late."

Jane doesn't say a word. She simply wraps her arms around Peyton. She holds her tight.

"I can't breathe," Peyton huffs.

Jane lets go. "I'm sorry that...I'm just so sorry that..."

"It's ok," Peyton replies as she wipes a single tear from Jane's face.

"I'm just so glad that you're ok," Jane admits as she pushes Peyton's hair out of her face.

"I knew that you'd find me."

"I should have found you sooner. I'm sorry that I didn't."

"It doesn't matter, you're here now."

Jane breathes a sigh of relief. "Are you ready?" Jane questions.

"For what?"

"To go home," Jane answers.

"Wait," Peyton throws up her finger. Jane stands in the doorway, just watching the beautiful girl. Peyton walks over to the desk, and opens a jewelry box. She pulls out something, and closes the lid on the box. She grabs the photo album next to it, and walks to the doorstep. She stops when she reaches Jane. She takes Jane's hand. She hesitates. She looks at the back of her hand. She meets Jane's eyes only for a moment. She flips her hand over and places something cold inside it. Peyton folds Jane's finger's over the object.

Jane opens her hand, and finds a necklace. It's a plain silver chain, with a silver sand dollar on it. Peyton's eyes meet hers. Jane's lips tighten into a smile.

"You let me borrow it that morning, so I wouldn't cry," Peyton reminds her.

Jane tries to hold back the tears. She takes a breath, but doesn't say a word. She slips the chain over Peyton's head. She holds out her hand. Peyton takes her hand, but doesn't hold on to it very tightly. They walk toward the front door of the house. Jane stops in the doorway for a moment, "You're not going to hurt me," she tells Peyton as she pushes the screen door open. She steps outside, onto the porch. Jane steps from the porch onto the sidewalk. Peyton follows closely. They're is silence the between the two of them as they pass the police cars. Peyton doesn't hesitate as she passes the car with her father inside. They reach the end of the driveway, and step onto the street. Halfway to the car Peyton ends the silence.

"What happened to your hand?"

"I don't think that is a conversation for tonight."

"When I wake up..."

"I'm not going anywhere. No one is going to take you away from me, ever, ever again."

Jane pulls the door of the SUV open, and finds Maura in the third row of seats. Peyton climbs into, and slides over to the driver's side of the car. Jane joins her in the backseat.

"Maura..." Jane begins.

"Hello Peyton," Maura smiles.

"Peyton this is Dr. Isles."

"She's with you?" Peyton questions.

"Yes," Jane answers.

"I'm fine," Peyton points out.

"I'm not that kind of doctor."

"Oh," Peyton curls up against the door as the FBI agent climbs into the driver's seat. Maura hands Jane a blanket. Jane takes off her jacket, and folds it up. She lays it on her lap. Peyton lays her head on Jane's lap as Jane covers her with a fleece blanket. The ride back to the airport is silent.

Maura grabs her bags. And the agent grabs Jane's without a word from her. Jane carefully slips out of the car. She carefully lifts the sleeping girl out. Peyton wraps her legs around Jane's waist, and wraps her arms around her neck. She rests her head on Jane's shoulder.

They board the plane without Peyton making a peep. About fifteen minutes into the flight Jane drifts off. She soon jerks awake. She looks around and finds Maura sitting next to window. The seat between them is empty. Jane begins breathing heavily.

"It was a dream wasn't it?"

"What are you talking about?" Maura questions.

"Peyton," is all she can manage to get out.

"Jane it wasn't a dream."

"Where is she?" she demands.

"Calm down," Maura warns looking at the half-full plane of sleeping people.

"I..."

"Lower your voice. You're going to wake everyone up. Jane, Peyton is fine, she's in the bathroom."

"Oh," Jane sighs. Jane looks down the aisle. She sees a bathroom door open, and watches as Peyton steps out. Peyton makes her way towards Jane. She quietly slips past Jane, and takes the seat next to her. She fastens her belt. And the stewardess announces, "We will now begin out descent into Boston."

"What time is it?" Peyton questions.

"Late," Jane responds.

"What am I going to wear tomorrow?" Peyton questions.

"That's what you're worried about?" Jane looks at her daughter.

"We didn't bring any clothes," Peyton points out.

"Oh..."

"Don't worry I've got it covered," Maura announces.

Jane just looks at Maura questioningly, but doesn't say a word.


	9. Ghost

At the airport Peyton stands close to Jane as they wait at baggage claim. Maura stands next to them, silently. They spot their bags, and yank them off the conveyer. When they get to the parking garage Jane makes a beeline for her car. When they reach her car Maura helps Jane put the bags in the trunk. Peyton crawls into the front seat. Jane taps on the window. "Don't be rude," Jane scolds her.

Maura flaps her hand, "It's ok Jane, I'm going to catch a cab."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, drive carefully."

"Ok," Jane nods, to exhausted to argue.

Fifteen minutes later Jane finds herself heading toward a familiar suburb. Peyton's head rests against the door. Jane grabs her phone out of the console. She begins dialing. A voice on the other end picks up after two rings.

"Hello?"

"Hey ma..."

"Jane it is nearly one o'clock in the morning," Angela points out.

"I know, but I didn't want you to shoot me."

"So you called me in the middle of the night? Janey what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Then why are you calling me so late?"

"Is daddy there?"

"Of course, can't you hear him, he's snoring like a buzzsaw."

"Mom focus," Jane begs.

"What Jane? What do you need? Why are you calling me so late? Are you in trouble?"

"I'm not in trouble."

"I'm tired Jane, whatever you want, just spit it out," Angela begs.

"When was the last time you washed the sheets in the guest bedroom?"

"That's what you called in the middle of the night to ask me?"

"Yeah. Are you gonna answer?"

"Last week, why?"

"Good. Mom I gotta go."

"Why? Jane what's going on?"

"Don't shoot any intruders," Jane answers as she hangs up the phone.

She pulls over to the curb, and pops the car into park. She kills the engine, and gets out of the car. Peyton is standing on sidewalk before Jane can get to the other side of the car. Peyton waits on the sidewalk motionlessly. Jane walks past her, "Come on," she insists.

"Too tired to take another step," she answers.

"Ok," Jane sighs. She lifts the long, skinny eleven year old up off the sidewalk. She walks past the car, down a driveway. She stops at the side of the house, with Peyton on her hip. She carefully unlocks the door, and tiptoes in the house. She closes, and locks the door behind her.

"Why are we here?" Peyton whispers.

"There's more room here. I don't have a bed for you to sleep in at my apartment, and my couch... is as solid as a rock."

"Can't I just sleep with you?"

"Yeah, but we're here now and..."

"She's gonna hear you," Peyton warns.

"Can you walk now?" Jane asks as she stops at the bottom of the stairway.

"Ok," Peyton yawns. She takes a step onto the first stair. It creaks. She hesitates, but after a moment she continues up the stairway. Jane follows behind her. Halfway up the stairway the light in the hallway at the top of the stairs flips on.

"Jane is that you?" Angela questions.

"Ma go back to bed," Jane insists.

"What are you doing at my house at one o'clock in the morning? You have your own place to live."

Jane stops. Peyton turns and looks at her, but Jane motions her on.

"Jane answer me," Angela insists, as her footsteps grow closer. When Angela reaches the stairway she finds a body standing at the top.

"Are you shrinking, Jane?"

"Turn on the other light ma," Jane answers from halfway down the stairs.

Angela flips the switch on the wall across from the top of the stair way. She turns, and looks at the person standing at the stairs. She doesn't say a word, and she doesn't move. Jane continues up the stairs until she reaches the top.

"Mom..." Jane starts.

Peyton turns and looks at Jane. "Is she having a heart attack?" Peyton whispers.

"No. Mom say something."

Angela remains as still as a statue, and her lips don't make a sound. All color drains from her face.

Peyton looks at Jane, "Do I have to wait for her? I'm tired, can I go to bed?"

"Jane you should take me to the hospital," Angela finally breaks her silence.

"Are you sick?"

"Jane I'm seeing things, and hearing them too. I think I'm hallucinating."

"You're not hallucinating."

"You're not seeing what I'm seeing."

"Yes I am. I see her, she's standing right next to me."

"You see her too? So I'm not imagining it?"

"She's real."

"She can't be," Angela argues.

Peyton rolls her eyes. She huffs, and walks past Angela, toward a bedroom. "Goodnight gramma," she yawns.

Jane steps forward and kisses her mother on the cheek. "When you come out of it, and realize what's going on, we'll be in there," Jane points to a bedroom down the hall, "sleeping." She walks away.

She goes into the bedroom, and finds Peyton waiting on the edge of the bed for her. "I don't want to go to sleep," she admits.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm afraid that I'll wake up, and I'll be back in Indiana and this will just be a dream."

"You won't be. Now go to sleep."

"Don't you..."

"Go to sleep," Jane repeats.

"Mom..."

"Peyton you'll be here. I'll be here. I'm not so sure about grandma, she might have an aneurysm, but this isn't a dream."

"Don't you worry that it is?"

"Yeah. I worry that I'll wake up and you won't be here. Or that you're not here. That you..."

"Don't cry," Peyton interrupts as she crawls under the covers.

Jane sits in the dark on the edge of the bed. She kicks off her shoes, and climbs under the covers next Peyton. Jane lies awake for a while. Peyton drifts to sleep rather quickly. Jane listens as Peyton breathes. Peyton rolls over in her sleep. She scoots closer to Jane. Jane takes it all in.

She feels the weight on her chest finally disappear as she begins to realize that it's reality. Peyton's feet are warm, and sweaty against Jane's legs. Jane lays her arm across Peyton's sleeping body. Jane pets Peyton's long, thick, dark hair. She smells of Pantene, and Mr. bubble. Before closing her eyes Jane kisses Peyton's temple. "Goodnight," she whispers, "I love you."


	10. Justice

When Jane opens her eyes she finds Peyton next to her in bed. Peyton stare at her with big, bright eyes. Jane rolls over to see what Peyton is looking at. She finds her father standing in the doorway.

"We don't bite," Jane points out.

"Grandpa you know I'm real, right?"

"Yes peanut," he answers.

"You didn't have to commit gramma did you?"

"No, she's still sleeping."

Frank takes a step into the room. "Hey peanut?"

"Yeah?"

"You still like moldy waffles?"

"Of course."

"Good I happen to have a snoopy waffle iron hidden in the cabinet."

"I'll be down as soon as I smell them burning."

"I'll be waiting," he smiles.

Jane turns to Peyton as Frank walks away.

"Moldy waffles?" Jane questions.

"Waffles with green food coloring, and chocolate chips," Peyton answers.

Jane swings her feet onto the ground. She stretches, and takes a deep breath.

"Where are you going?"

"I don't want your grandma to miss moldy waffles."

"Can I come?" Peyton smiles.

"Of course," Jane heads for the door.

"Mom?"

"Huh?" she turns and looks at the girl sitting in bed. Her daughter. She was older, and taller. She was skinny now, she didn't look like a baby. Her eyes were still cerulean, and her hair was still dark. Her hair was long and wavy now.

"I missed you," her voice brings Jane back into reality.

"I missed you more," Jane answers.

Peyton gets out of bed, and follows Jane out of the room. They walk down the hallway to Angela's room. Jane crawls in bed next to her sleeping mother. Peyton sits at the bottom of the bed. Jane begins whispering into Angela's ear. "Ma, wake up."

Angela opens her eyes and rolls over. "Jane what are you doing here?"

"I'm just visiting," she answers. "Mom you know where you are right?"

"I'm in my bed, in my house."

"You don't remember?"

"Remember what?"

"You had a break down. You were having hallucinations. We had to have you committed to the psychiatric ward for evaluation."

"That's not funny Jane."

"It's true. You didn't take your meds yet this morning. Maybe you're seeing things again."

"Jane..." she looks at the bottom of the bed and finds Peyton. Peyton smiles, and waves at her.

"Morning gramma."

"Jane..."

"Mom are you seeing things again?"

"No," Angela lies.

"Good."

"Jane what's going on?"

"You're nuts," she answers.

"Jane there is a kid at the foot of the bed."

"You're seeing her again?"

"I..."

"What's she saying?"

"She's just looking at me like I'm crazy," Angela admits.

"Because she thinks you are."

"You can see her?"

"Mom of course I can see her. She's really there."

"Who is she?"

"What kind of question is that?" Jane replies, "You should know who she is."

"I should?" Angela raises an eyebrow.

"I would hope that you would know your own granddaughter."

"Peyton," Angela says under her breath.

"The waffles are burning, I should go," Peyton tells Jane.

"K, I'll deal with crazy."

"Gramma... I'm really here, you know?"

"Peyton wait."

Peyton looks at Angela. "Yes?"

"Don't let your grandfather make me any waffles."

"Yes, ma'am," she answers as she races out of the room.

"Jane.."

"Come on mom, let's go eat."

"Jane I don't understand. How... where... when..."

"Breakfast," Jane answers, "We'll talk about the rest later," she turns to go. Jane walks around to the other side of the bed. Angela grabs her arm, before she can walk past.

"Sit down," Angela says sternly.

"Ma!" Jane tries to protest.

Angela pulls her onto the bed.

"What?" Jane shrieks.

"I wanna talk to you."

"About what?"

"Jane start talking."

"Mom I don't wanna talk about it."

"You have to talk about it. You have to deal with it."

"Deal with what?"

"Jane just because you got her back doesn't mean that you can pretend that the past didn't happen."

Her nostrils flare, "Do you think that I could ever forget that? Do you think I could ever get over that?"

"No. I think that you need to deal with it."

"I did. I had seven years to deal with it. I'm done dealing with it."

"You never dealt with it. You just bottled everything up inside. There are things that you need to say, to be able to move on."

"I'm fine," Jane argues.

"Just because you got her back doesn't mean that you're ready to move on. I know that you may have physically moved passed that day, your heart it never moved on."

"Why are you lecturing me?"

"To do her justice, you have to take care of yourself. You need to ask for help, you need to get help. You need to talk to someone."

"How? What do you want me to say?"

"The truth, try the truth for once."

"You want the truth?" Jane screams.

"Yes," Angela answers calmly.


	11. Moments of Truth

"The truth is that you're right. I was never able to move past having my child ripped away from me. I never stopped blaming myself. I never forgave myself for not doing more, for failing her, for not protecting her. I was so busy protecting everyone else in this world that, I forgot about the one who mattered the most."

"It wasn't your fault," Angela answers.

"No matter how many times you say that, you'll never make me believe that."

"Jane..."

"Mom don't."

"I'm not trying to ruin this for you but..."

"But what?"

"I can tell that, that day hasn't left the back of your mind, even for a minute. You have to move past that day. You have her back."

"I didn't find her. I couldn't find her. What if things had turned out differently. What if I didn't find her? What if it had been too late? What if there was nothing that I could have done to save her?"

"Don't do this to yourself. You did everything that you could."

"I should have done more."

"What else could you have done?"

"I should have stayed home with her. I should have spent more time with her."

"You can't blame yourself for wanting to provide for her."

"What was the point of providing, if she wasn't there? Do you know why I can't get past that day?"

"Yes Jane I want to know."

"That morning when we were in the car she told me that she didn't want to go to school. She just wanted me to stay home with her. She just wanted me, and I couldn't see that. When I asked her why she didn't want to go to school do you know what she said to me?"

"What?"

"She looked at me and said, 'I just have bad feeling in my guts,' at four years old. She knew. She knew something bad was going to happen, and I didn't listen to her. I didn't..."

"You could have done that day a million different ways. You could have done everything different, and it still would have turned out the same. Maybe he wouldn't have taken her that day, but he would have taken her."

"But I should have stopped him."

"How could you have known?"

"I knew that something wasn't right. When I got to work I felt sick to my stomach. The entire time I was my crime scene all I wanted to do was go to school and pick her up. I just wanted to take her home and..."

"Jane you can't keep her in a bubble her whole life. You can't protect her from every scrape, and every bump along the way. You can't keep her from hurting, or being broken hearted. They're all things that she has to go through."

"What happens if he gets out? What if he comes for her? What if I can't stop him?"

"No one is going to let that happen."

"You don't know what he's capable of."

"Yes I do. I knew the first time I looked at him what kind of person he was. You wouldn't listen."

"You don't know what he's done."

"What are you talking about?"

"He killed someone."

"I wish that I was surprised, but I'm not. I wish that I could have convinced you sooner. I wish that you had seen what I saw all along. But you chose him, you..."

"If I hadn't I wouldn't have her," Jane answers.

"I know. She's you're little girl, and you're mine. I wanted the same things for you that you want for her. I knew he was trouble the first time I met him. Let's face it he may have physically killed someone, but he took your life the day that he took her," Angela begins to tear up.

"Mom, don't," Jane begs.

Angela wipes her face with her fingers, "I'm sorry. Jane you weren't the only one who lost a child that day. That day I saw you slipping away from me. I knew that you needed me, and that there wasn't anything I could do. I was afraid that I would lose you. I was afraid that you weren't going to come back from the dark place that you were in. I was so scared that you were just going to give up. I thought that one day I'd get a phone call, and..."

"And what?"

"That you had given up. That you didn't want to live or breath without her."

"I didn't. But what would she have if I didn't? I couldn't just lay down and die, no matter how much I wanted to."

Angela hugs her, and brushes her hair out of her face, as tears fall from Jane's face. Angela wipes the tears from her face. "Get yourself together, she's probably waiting on you."

Jane sniffles, "Man I'm ripe," she comments.

"I might be able to keep your father from burning down the house if you want to take a shower."

"That would be great."

They head into the hallway. Jane starts down the stairs, Angela follows. Jane heads to the front door. She pulls it open, and finds boxes, and bags outside. She pushes them inside, and goes to her car. She grabs her suitcase out of the trunk, and returns to the house. She closes the door, and sits the suitcase inside the door.

She pulls tissue paper out of the bags. She finds a pink dress inside. "Peyton," she calls out. Peyton quickly exits the kitchen. "Yes?"

"Come here," Jane answers. Finally Peyton joins her.

"It looks like Maura did some shopping for you," she answers.

"Maura?"

"Doctor Isles," Jane answers.

"Oh," Peyton nods.

Jane holds up the pink, spaghetti strapped dress. Peyton's eyes light up.

"Here," Jane hands the dress to Peyton. She opens a box, and finds a pair of silver flats.

"Mom..."

"Huh?" Jane looks up at Peyton from her seat on the floor.

"I think you need a shower," Peyton replies.

"That's where I was headed," she gets up off her knees.

"Why don't you have your grandmother go through this with you? I'll go take a shower."

"Ok," Peyton agrees.


	12. Missing You

Jane showers quickly, and gets dressed. She doesn't bother to dry her hair. She pulls it into a pony tail, and leaves the bathroom. She walks down the hallway to the stairs. When she gets downstairs she heads into the kitchen. She finds her father rinsing plates in the sink.

"They're in the laundry room," he tells her before she can ask.

She doesn't reply. She simply leaves the room. She goes to the base of the stairs, and opens the door to the basement. She makes her way down the stairs. She can hear her mother talking as she walks. Finally she gets to the bottom of the stairs. She makes a left hand turn. She finds Angela putting clothes into the washer. Peyton quietly sits on top of the dryer.

"When did you get a new washer, and dryer?" Jane questions.

"I don't know," she shrugs, "a year and a half ago."

"A year and a half ago?"

"Your father got them for me for my birthday."

"Daddy broke down and bought you a new washer and dryer?" Jane quizzes in disbelief.

"It was time. They were twenty years old."

"I know, I'm just surprised," Jane admits, "you guys never replace anything until it stops working."

"Well the washer died, and your father said that we weren't going to replace it unless we got the set and..."

"So you killed the dryer?" Jane accuses.

"No. I just let your brother try and fix it."

"Clever," Jane admits.

"I thought so."

"Why are you sitting on the dryer?" Jane asks Peyton.

"Grandma put me here," she answers.

"Ma why would you put her on top of the dryer?"

"I don't know if you noticed, but there are piles of laundry down here. I didn't want one of them to eat her. Plus she always sits on the dryer."

"No she doesn't," Jane argues.

"Jane do remember when she was four days old and..."

"No ma I don't remember because I hadn't slept for five days."

"Right. She was crying, and there wasn't anything wrong with her. You were exhausted so I took her. I brought her down here, because your father was growling about not having any clean clothes. I put her in her bouncy seat, and sat it on top of the dryer. She fell asleep the second I turned it on."

"I don't remember that."

"I always wondered why you never asked about the bouncy seat sitting on the dryer."

"I wasn't allowed to do laundry until I was twenty five. You were afraid I'd mess the clothes up."

Jane's phone starts ringing. Angela looks at her, "Don't answer it," she warns. Jane takes the phone out of her pocket. She pulls it to her ear.

"Rizzoli," she answers.

Angela listens closely to Jane's end of the conversation.

"You're sure that's what he said? Isn't there someone else? I don't know if I can. I'll try to figure something out. Ok, bye," she hangs up.

"Work?" Angela questions.

"Yeah," Jane nods.

"Are you leaving?" Angela asks.

"I don't want to."

"But?"

"We've got a quadruple homicide. They need me," Jane admits.

Peyton and Angela remain silent. Jane moves over to the dryer. She reaches out for Peyton. She slips her arms under Peyton's armpits and lifts her off the dryer. Peyton clings to her. Jane kisses the top of her head. "I'm not going to go," she reassures her.

"You have to," Peyton replies.

"No I don't," Jane argues.

"I'll be fine. You should go. I don't want you to get in trouble."

"I want to stay here with you," Jane answers.

"You've got to go to work. I'll be fine."

"Peyton..." Jane tries to reason.

"I don't want you to go, but you have to. I'll be fine with gramma."

"I..."

"Go!" Peyton insists.

Jane leaves the basement. She grabs her keys, but doesn't head for the door. She goes into the living room where Peyton and Angela are folding laundry. "I thought you were leaving," Peyton points out as she sits on the couch. Jane bends down and hugs Peyton. She kisses her forehead. "I love you."

"Bye, love you," Peyton replies.

Jane gets into her car, and slowly pulls away. The whole drive she fights the urge to turn around. Finally she arrives at her crime scene. Maura waits for her inside the house.

"Can we make this snappy?" Jane questions.

"You got a hot date?" Korsak teases.

Jane doesn't say anything, she simply shoots him a look.

"Where are the victims?" Jane asks Maura.

"Living room, kitchen, and upstairs in a bedroom."

"Four?"

"Husband, wife, and two kids."

"COD?"

"GSW."

"Is that a fact or conjecture?"

"More like a theory, but I think that it's safe to say it's the cause of death."

"What makes you think that?"

"You'll see," Maura answers.

"Where's Frost?"

"He's outside somewhere. He's been vomiting for the last half an hour. I'm going to head upstairs if you want to come."

Jane follows Maura up the stairs. She slips on a pair of blue gloves. At the top of the stairs Maura makes a left. Jane follows her into the room. Maura flips on the light. Jane watches quietly as Maura examines the victims.

"I hate people," Jane admits as she stares at the lifeless bodies lying on adjacent beds. Immediately in front of her is a four year old little boy. To her left is a six year old little boy.

"I know."

"I'll be downstairs if you need me," Jane tells her.

Jane leaves the room, but she lingers at the top of the stairs. For some reason she decides to go across the hallway. Across the hallway she finds the master bedroom. The bed is made, and the blinds are closed. The room seems unusually quiet. Jane turns on the light to illuminate the room. She looks in the master bathroom, and finds it just as tidy as the bedroom. She opens another door, and steps into the walk in closet. She immediately looks up, but finds no opening for an attic. She finds racks of clothes on her right, and immediately in front of her. She flips the light switch on the wall next to the door. The light reveals nothing new. She leaves the room, and walks down the hall to the next room.

She twists the knob, and pushes the door open. She flips on the light, and finds that she's in a nursery. To her left, against the wall is a changing table. To her right is a closet. In front of her is a crib. To the left of the crib, in the corner is a floor lamp, and a rocking chair. Jane takes a deep breath, and walks across the floor, to the crib. She peers inside, and finds it empty. She exits the room, and goes into the hallway. She walks to the stairs.

On the staircase she meets Korsak. "Where's the fire?" he questions. She looks up at him. "Where's the baby," she answers.


	13. Hanging By a Moment

"What are you talking about Jane?"

"The baby," she repeats.

"What baby?"

She sighs, "Follow me," she answers.

He follows her up the stairs, and down the hallway. She takes him into the second door on the right. She flips the light back on.

"Where is the baby?" she repeats.

"I haven't seen a baby. Maybe they didn't have one."

Jane walks over to the dresser in the middle of the wall. She takes the picture frame, and hands it to Korsak.

"They have two other kids maybe..." he tries to reason.

"Everything in here is pink. That is a little girl," she points to the frame.

"So?"

"They've got two little boys. Where is the little girl?"

"I don't know," he admits.

"Then we're going to have to turn the place upside down."

They leave the room. They search every room in the upstairs and find nothing. They head downstairs. Korsak goes towards the basement. Jane looks around downstairs. She looks in every room. She looks in the pantry, and the cabinets but finds nothing. She goes to the entry way. She opens the closet door. She turns on a light and finds coats hanging in front of her. About to give up she squats down, and looks behind the shoes on the floor, under the coats.

Korsak walks up behind her. "I didn't find anything," he reveals.

Jane tosses the shoes out of the closet.

"Don't be angry with me," he insists.

"I'm not," she answers, and she reaches back in the closet. She pulls out a carseat. She picks the carseat up, and steps out of the closet. She places the carseat on the floor. She unfastens the seat belt. She slips off her gloves. She carefully lifts the baby out of the car seat. She immediately notices that the baby feels warm. The sleeping baby grunts. Jane holds the baby in her arms.

"Hi sweetheart," she coos.

"I'll go get Maura, so she can check her out."

"Ok," Jane agrees.

Korsak returns with Maura. Maura takes one look at the baby, and then looks at Jane.

"What do you need me for?"

Jane rolls her eyes, and places the baby in Maura's arms. Maura looks at Jane in discomfort.

"Jane I don't work well with the living, especially when they're this small."

"Just make sure she's ok," Jane insists.

Maura looks the baby over. She assesses her pulse, and respiratory rate.

"Jane she's fine."

Later that day Jane finds herself sitting at her desk, waiting on Maura's call. Frost sits across from her. He notices that something's a little off.

"You're being really quiet today," Frost points out.

"I'm just anxious to get home," she admits.

"She's thinking about babies," Korsak chimes in.

"No I'm not," she lies.

"You're telling me that seeing that little baby didn't make you want to have one?" Korsak questions.

"Nope," she answers honestly.

"You'd make a good mom," Frost adds.

"Thanks, but..."

"Why don't you have any kids Jane?" Korsak questions.

"If you haven't noticed there isn't exactly anyone in my life right now," she replies.

"That doesn't mean there hasn't been in the past."

Jane vacates her seat. She turns to leave. She stops mid-step and adds, "Besides you don't know everything about me."

"Did we offend you?" Frost queries.

"Where are you going?" Korsak inquires.

"I'm going to see what Maura has for me."

In the elevator Jane finds herself consumed with thoughts. When the elevator dings, she's brought back into reality. She steps off the elevator, and heads into the morgue. Her phone buzzes before she reaches the door. She pulls out her phone, expecting a text from Maura. When she flips her phone open she finds a text message from her mother. She opens it as she steps into the morgue.

"Since when does my mother know how to text?" Jane asks herself.

"What?" Maura replies.

"Nothing," Jane answers as she waits on the hour glass to disappear. Finally it does. The text message is actually a picture message.

"Who's it from?" Maura questions.

"My mother."

"Is everything alright?"

"Fine," Jane answers handing Maura the phone.

Maura looks at the screen. She instantly starts smiling.

"She's cute," Maura comments handing the phone back.

Jane looks at the picture of Peyton in her pink dress.

"You're worried?"

"I just want to go home," Jane admits.

"I know."

"I've got so much to do. I have to find a pediatrician, and enroll her in school. I've got to get a bigger apartment. I need to..."

"Don't worry, you'll figure it out."

"Do you think she's ok?"

"Physically?"

"That is your area of expertise."

"Why are you asking? Do you have a specific concern?"

"She's so skinny. I mean I was a skinny kid, but not that skinny."

"How much does she weigh?"

Jane shrugs.

"She's about 59 inches, and 70 pounds, I would guess."

"So..."

"She's a little on the thin side."

"I don't know if she's had any of her immunizations. I don't know how long it's been since she went to school. I don't know what she's seen..."

"Stop. She's going to be fine."

"Today when I saw that baby all I could think about was her. I remember her being that little, and taking it for granted. I've missed over half her life."

"Jane you can't go back. You have to go forward."

"I wish I could."


	14. The Day Before You

_February 24th 1999, 3 A.M. _

_Jane lies on the couch in her parents living room. She stares up at the ceiling. She rolls onto her side to try to get more comfortable. It doesn't help. She gets off the couch, and flips on the lamp. She grabs a magazine, and begins reading. When she finishes the magazine she doesn't feel tired. She looks down at her swollen stomach. _

_"Look I know that you like it in there, but I was hoping you could come out. You were supposed to be here two weeks ago, and I'm getting a little bit impatient."_

_5 AM~ Jane's eyes pop open. She sits up, and realizes that she's having contractions. She places her hand on her stomach, "Thank you." She grabs her watch off the coffee table. She times the contractions. "That can't be right," she comments. She waddles over to the stairs. Before she can start up them she sees her mother at the top. _

_"Jane I love you, but you need to learn how to be quiet."_

_"Ma come down here," she insists._

_Angela trudges down the stairs. "What?"_

_"I think that I'm having contractions."_

_"Think?"_

_"I'm definitely having contractions," Jane grimaces._

_"How far apart are they?"_

_"Like every three minutes."_

_"There's no way."_

_"Come time them," Jane insists. _

_Angela and Jane go into the living room and take a seat on the couch. Three minutes later Jane has another contraction._

_"Let's go," Angela insists._

_"Now?"_

_"Yes now. Your bag is still by the door isn't it?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Then let's go." Angela helps her off the couch._

_"Dad is still asleep aren't you..."_

_"Jane get in the car we don't have time to wake him up," Angela pushes her toward the door. _

_Angela ushers Jane out the door into the car. She tosses the bag in the backseat. Jane's door is barely shut when the car pulls out of the drive. _

_"So are you going to tell me what it is before we get the hospital?"_

_"You can't wait?"_

_"I already know."_

_"No you don't," Jane argues._

_6:34 AM._

_"You're doing a great job Jane," Angela smiles._

_"I'd be better if I had some drugs," Jane growls._

_"I'm sorry that it was too late," Angela apologizes._

_"Jane on the next contraction I want you to push, and you should have a baby," the doctor coaches her._

_Jane's face is beet red, and covered in sweat. She takes a breath, and pushes. The doctor delivers the head. _

_"I need another push to get the shoulders out."_

_Jane clenches her jaw, and pushes. The doctor maneuvers the baby's shoulders. She then slides into his arms. He lays the baby on Jane's chest. Baby Peyton screeches. _

_"Hi, pretty girl," Jane smiles. _

_Peyton's cries instantly stop. The nurse cuts the cord, and takes the baby to the warmer for her assessment. Jane's eyes never leave the baby. Angela cuts the cord after it's clamped. The nurse wraps the baby up, and returns her to Jane. _

_"A little girl," Angela smiles._

_"She's perfect," Jane comments._

_"Look at all of her hair."_

_"I know that you already bought her dresses."_

_"I packed them in your bag," Angela admits._

_"How did you know?"_

_"Intuition."_

_"You bribed the doctor?"_

_"No, I didn't. I just knew."_

_"You knew, or you found out."_

_"I just knew," Angela answers._

_Peyton stares up at Jane. _

_"Does she have a name?" Angela questions._

_"Peyton Justice."_

_"Peyton Justice? Are you sure?"_

_"Yes," Jane nods._

_"Peyton for a girl?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Justice? You couldn't come up with something a little more girly for her?"_

_"Don't lecture me. You're not exactly original. Jane? You couldn't have come up with something a little more unique."_

_"Would you prefer to be named Justice?"_

_"That's her name, like it or not."_

_February 26th 1999-6 AM_

_Jane lies in bed waiting. Next to the bed in a bassinet Peyton begins to squawk. Jane flips on the light, and scoops the little girl out of the bassinet. She holds her closely. The baby wears a pink sleeper. _

_"Good morning gorgeous," Jane smiles. Peyton stares at her wide awake. Jane studies the baby. She's got big blue eyes, and a head full of thick jet black hair. She kisses the baby. She sniffs Peyton's forehead. She smells of baby lotion. _

_"I love you," Jane smiles. _

_The baby listens to her intently. _

_"I hope you know I don't have clue what I'm doing, but I'm doing my best. I'm going to do my best to give you everything. I'm probably going to be annoying, and overbearing sometimes. When you're a teenager you're probably really going to hate me, but just know that I love you. I want the best for you. I just want to protect you from all the evil in the world."_

_The little girl closes her eyes. Jane lays down. She places the baby on her chest. She listens to the little girl breathe in and out as she sleeps. Jane feels Peyton's heart beat next to hers. She pats the baby. _

_June 26th 1998_

_It's late and rainy. Jane finds herself on her mother's doorstep. She knocks on the locked door. Angela opens the door in a robe, and slippers. "Jane what are you doing here so late?"_

_Jane doesn't answer. "Get in here, it's wet," Angela instructs. Jane slips her jacket off. Angela flips on the lamp on a table sitting next to the door. Jane doesn't say anything. She simply looks at her mother. Her mascara is smeared, and her face is tear-stained. Angela wraps her arms around Jane who is soaking wet. _

_"What's wrong?"_

_"Everything."_

_"It can't be that bad."_

_"I did something stupid."_

_"You're young," Angela answers._

_"I can't fix this."_

_"Jane what did you do?" she questions after letting go._

_"I'm sorry."_

_"For what? Are you going to tell me where you ran off to?"_

_"Atlantic City."_

_"What for?"_

_"I got married."_

_"Married? To who?"_

_"Ryan."_

_"Ryan? Jane why would you do that?"_

_"I don't know it was stupid."_

_"We can fix it."_

_"I don't think so," Jane argues._

_"Why not?"_

_"Ma..." Jane hesitates._

_"What's wrong? Jane, spit it out."_

_"I'm pregnant," she sobs._

_Angela wraps her arms around Jane, but says nothing, afraid of saying the wrong thing. _


	15. Home

"Jane?"

"I'm sorry," she apologizes.

"It's ok," Maura reassures her.

Jane purses her lips.

"You should go home."

"I can't. There's nothing that I'd rather do. I just want to go home, and never leave her. I've spent the last seven years waiting for her to come home. Now she's home and... I don't know what to say to her."

"Let her do the talking."

"There are so many things I want to tell her, but..."

"It's going to take time."

"I guess I thought time would stop. That I'd get her back and everything would be the same, that she'd be the same. I thought I was going to get my sweet, little girl back. But she's eleven years old, she's not a baby any more."

"Go home. I'm sure that your partner can handle it."

"The dog!"

"What about the dog?"

"I've got to pick him up."

"Go," Maura insists.

Jane leaves the morgue and heads back upstairs. She finds Frost, and Korsak right where she left them. She grabs her keys off her desk.

"Frost you're in charge."

"Where are you going?" Frost questions.

"If you're going to get something to eat pick me up something," Korsak adds.

"I'm going home."

"Home?" Korsak questions.

"You can't go home," Frost argues.

"I'm going home you two can take it from here."

"Jane what's going on?" Korsak questions.

"I've just got some things to take care of," she answers.

"Make sure you stop by the lieutenant's office on your way out. He was looking for you."

"Great," Jane sighs.

Jane stops by lieutenant Grant's office on her way out. She knocks on the door. "Come in," he answers.

She steps into the office. He smiles from behind his desk.

"Have a seat," he insists.

She closes the door behind her.

"Whatever I did I apologize, and I'll make it up to you."

"Have a seat," he repeats.

She sinks down into a chair, across from him.

"You have a lot of time saved up."

"That's what this is about?"

"You should use it."

"I..."

"Look Rizzoli I'm not trying to stick my nose in your personal life, but it's obvious that you don't want to be here right now."

"I'm sorry it's just..."

"You might not want me to know, but I'm aware of why you took emergency vacation time."

"You are?"

"I am. I wish that you had told me yourself, but I understand why you didn't."

"I'm sorry."

"Things turned out well?"

"Yes sir," she nods.

"Take a few days off," he demands.

"Ok," she agrees.

"I'm sure that you have a lot to do."

"Yes."

"Jane..."

"Yes?"

"Obviously this was a difficult subject, but I wish that you had warned me. I don't like surprises."

"Sorry."

"Does your partner know?"

"No. Maura's the only one who knows."

"The next time you hijack my ME, a little warning would be nice."

"Yes, sir."

"I read the report," he reveals.

"Then I can ask your opinion?"

"Shoot."

"If you were me what would you have done differently?"

"There wasn't anything else you could do."

"You really think so?"

"I might have killed the bastard when I found him, but that's just me."

"It took a lot of restraint not to wrap my hands around his neck and choke him to death."

"Peyton will be pleased to know that they reunited Emily with her mother."

"Yeah, she will."

"That's it, you can go."

"Thank you," she vacates her seat, and heads for the door.

Jane picks up the dog from the vet. He sits quietly in the seat next to her. Finally she arrives at her mother's house. She parks in the driveway. The dog hops out of the car before the door is completely open. He runs to the side door. Jane quickly joins him. She looks down at the dog.

"I don't know how my mother is going to feel about you being in her house," she comments as she opens the door.

The dog darts into the house. Jane loses sight of him.

"I'm home," she calls out as she enters the kitchen.

"Shh!" her mother's voice insists.

She wanders into the living room, and finds Angela sitting in the recliner watching T.V. She finds Peyton passed out on the couch.

"Why is she asleep?"

"You can ask her when she wakes up."

"You're letting her nap?"

"She's had a long day."

"What did you do with her today?"

"We went to the park, and we went shopping, and got ice cream."

Joe, without any warning jumps onto Angela's lap. She scowls at Jane. "Why is there a mutt on my lap?"

"Sorry. I had to pick him up from the vet. Do you have any idea how much it costs to board a dog for a day and a half?"

"Too much."

"Do you want me to put him out?"

"He's fine."


	16. Irrational Fears

Jane squats down next to the couch. Peyton lays on her stomach. Her hair is plastered to her face with sweat. Jane tucks the stray hair behind her ear. She kisses Peyton's forehead.

"Peyton," she whispers.

"Jane don't wake her up," Angela scolds.

Jane ignores her. "Sweetheart, can you wake up please?"

Peyton's eyes pop open. She just looks at Jane.

"Hi," she yawns.

"Did you have a good day?"

"Uh huh," she sits up.

Jane takes a seat next to her.

"I missed you," she admits.

"Why don't we go home?" Jane questions.

"I'll get my stuff."

"It's sitting in the dining room," Angela tells her.

Peyton leaves the room.

"Where are you going to put her?"

"I thought that I'd let her sleep in a drawer."

"Jane I'm serious. You don't have any room at your apartment."

"She can sleep with me."

"She's eleven, it's unnatural."

"It's fine. It's just temporary, until I find another place."

"What about school? Have you figured out school, or a babysitter?"

"Not yet. I'm taking a few days off. I made her a doctor's appointment for tomorrow, and an appointment with a..." she trails off.

"With a what?"

"A therapist," Jane answers.

"Why didn't you want to say that?"

"I thought that you'd have a comment."

"No. I don't."

"Do you have a comment on anything else?"

"I don't think you should send her to school."

"That's not an option. There are laws..."

"She's got anxiety about it."

"I would too."

"Why don't you home school her?"

"I'm never home."

"I'll do it."

"You want to home school her?"

"Maybe just for the year. I mean school is already started, and you don't know where she is academically."

"I'll do whatever she wants."

"Mom I'm ready," Peyton calls from the other room.

"Coming," Jane answers.

"Take the dog," Angela insists.

"Come one buddy," she motions. The dog hops off Angela's lap, and follows Jane.

That night Jane jerks awake. She sits up in bed. She gets the feeling that something isn't right. She feels around in bed, and finds that it's empty. She flips on the lamp, and looks around the room. She's the only one in her room. She hops out of bed, and is to the doorway in less than two steps. She goes into the hallway, and sees nothing. She looks in the bathroom, but it's empty. She makes her way into the kitchen to find that it's also empty. She wanders into the living room. She flips on the light. She finds Peyton lying on the couch.

She takes a seat on her couch, slipping under Peyton's legs.

"You wanna tell me what you're doing out here?"

"I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's ok."

"I couldn't sleep, and I didn't want to wake you up."

"Don't worry about it. I don't sleep very soundly, and I don't mind if you wake me up."

"You were snoring."

"I guess I sleep better knowing that you're here with me. Why can't you sleep?"

"I don't know," she shrugs.

"Is there something on your mind?"

"I guess."

"Are you going to tell me about it?"

"No."

"Peyton, please."

"I guess I'm just scared."

"Of what?"

"That he's going to take me again. Is that irrational?"

"No it's not irrational, but he's not going to take you."

"How can you be so sure?"

"First of all he's going to be in prison for a long time, and second of all..."

"You can't stop it."

"I'm sorry if I let you down. I should have done more to protect you. I should have..."

"It's not your fault."

"Sometimes it feels like it is."

"Mommy?"

"Huh?"

"I really missed you."

"I know."

"I tried to convince him to bring me home. But he wouldn't. I just wanted to come home."

"I know," Jane admits trying not to allow her emotions to overcome her.

"It was always the worst at bedtime."

"What do you mean?"

"He wouldn't read to me, or tuck me in. He didn't even talk to me when he was home."

"He was gone a lot?"

"All the time."

"Did you get to go to school?"

"Sometimes, it depended on where we were. We never stayed in one place for very long."

Jane doesn't say anything. She simply pulls Peyton onto her lap. Peyton's ear rests against Jane's chest. Jane pets her head. Jane wipes the tears from Peyton's face as she clings to her. Jane wipes her own tears on her sleeve.

"No matter where you are I'm thinking about you. I would go to the end of the earth for you. There isn't anything that I wouldn't do for you."

"I know."

"You were the dream I never knew that I had. I hope you know that..." her voice cracks, "I love you more than anything else in the world."


	17. Without You

"He told me that you didn't want me," Peyton answers.

"He lied."

"Are you sure?"

"Peyton I was young, and scared when I had you, but there was never a second that I didn't want you."

"He said you wished that you never had me, that I ruined..."

"That's not true. I don't wish that. I've never thought that. You didn't ruin anything."

"Don't you ever wish..."

"Peyton the only thing that I wish is that you were never knew the hurt that he caused."

"You wish I never knew him."

"Sometimes I wish I had done a better job at choosing your father, but then you wouldn't be you. But I do wish I could have spared you the pain of knowing him."

"Mommy..."

"The day you were born I realized that you were a dream I didn't even know that I had."

"Weren't you scared?"

"Of course, but it didn't matter. I didn't know what I was doing, but you didn't care. You made me a better person."

Peyton doesn't answer.

"I'm afraid that when I close my eyes I'm going to have nightmares. I'm afraid that you're not going to..."

"I'll be here. I'm not going anywhere."

"How can I make them stop?"

"I don't know," Jane admits.

"Do you ever have nightmares?"

"When I sleep," she answers.

"About what?"

"About you."

"Just about me?"

"No."

"About what?"

"You remember asking me what happened to my hands?"

"Uh huh."

"I dream about that sometimes."

"What happened to your hands?"

"It's a long story."

"Too graphic for young audiences?"

Jane smiles for a moment, "A little."

"Is there an age appropriate version?"

"I was investigating a homicide, and I crossed paths with the killer."

"He did that to your hands?"

"Uh huh."

"How?"

"How is not important," she tries to redirect.

"Why?"

"Peyton there are a lot of malicious people in this word," she pauses, "Do you know what malicious means?"

"Evil," she replies.

"One day you will realize that there are a lot of different kinds of people. There are people who live their whole lives doing for other people. And then there are people who spend their whole lives trying to hurt other people. And the difference isn't always so easy to spot."

"Why are there so many bad people in the world?"

"Peyton I don't know the answer to that," she admits, "You've just got to look for the good in people."

"What if there is no good in them?"

"You have to remember that there is always a reason. And while it's not ok you have to remember that sometimes their victims of circumstance. Hate, and anger breed more hate and anger. Some people wait their whole lives for someone to save them, and no one ever does."

"Mom,"

"What?"

"Nothing. I just like being able to use that word again."

"I like hearing it."

"Can I ask you something else?"

"If you must," Jane smiles.

"Why didn't you find someone..."

"Someone?"

"A boyfriend or a husband?"

"I've had boyfriends, but... it's complicated."

"Explain it to me."

"I have a hard time finding anyone who I can trust. I try to keep anyone from getting too close. I guess that no one was ever worthy because I was never truly ready to move on. Without you, a piece of me was missing."

Peyton doesn't respond.

"Are you still awake?"

"Uh huh," she yawns.

"You're tired of asking questions?"

"I am tired but..."

"But what?"

"I just want to listen to your heart."

"Is it talking to you?"

"No, but it's making me sleepy," she admits.

"It always has. When you were a baby if I couldn't get you to sleep I would lay you on my chest. You always slept on your side, from the day you were born. You would lay on my chest with your ear pressed to my heart. Within a few minutes you'd always be asleep, and I would too."

"You'd pass out from lack of oxygen because you couldn't breathe with me on your diaphragm?"

"No, because it relaxed me to know that you were sleeping soundly. It was reassuring to know that you were right there."

"Do you have any cereal?"

"Are you hungry?"

"No, but I think that I want cereal for breakfast."

"All I have is raisin bran. Do you like raisins now?"

"No, that has not, and never will change. I hate raisins, almost as much as I hate gramma's candied yams."

"It's the syrup," Jane reveals.

"No, it's the mushy marshmallows," Peyton replies.

"But you're still going to pretend to like them."

"It is a family tradition," Peyton responds.


	18. My Little Girl

Jane opens her eyes, and she finds herself asleep on the couch. She tries to maneuver without waking Peyton up. Peyton sleeps next to Jane. Her arm hangs over the edge of the couch. Jane stands up at the end of the couch. She steps off onto the floor, trying to be quiet. She grabs the blanket from the foot of the couch, and covers Peyton up.

Jane heads into the kitchen. She starts the coffee maker. She grabs the raisin bran off the counter, and heads to the fridge for milk. She pours them into a plastic bowl. She puts the box of raisin bran on top of the refrigerator. She puts the milk back into the fridge. She then grabs a spoon, and takes a seat on the counter next to the coffee maker. She finishes her cereal, and pours herself a cup of coffee. She grabs her phone out of her pocket. She dials a familiar number.

"Hello?"

"Are you awake?"

"It's seven thirty, of course I'm up. Why do you need something?"

"Are you at work?"

"Not yet why?"

"Can you do me a favor?"

"What do you need?"

"I need you to stop somewhere and get cereal."

"Cereal? You want me to bring you cereal?"

"Maura I can't leave her, she's sleeping. She wants cereal for breakfast."

"Don't you have raisin bran?"

"She doesn't like raisins."

"What does she like? Coco puffs? Cinnamon toast crunch? Lucky Charms? Trix?"

"You actually know those cereals?"

"I like cereal. I know you think that I'm abnormal, but not in every aspect. So what do you want me to buy?"

"All of them," she answers.

"All four of them?"

"Yeah."

"Ok," I'll be over soon."

"Thank you."

"Bye," Maura hangs up.

Half an hour later Maura is knocking on the door. Jane opens the door quickly. Maura steps in and hands Jane the bag full of cereal. Jane closes the door behind her. Jane walks into the kitchen.

"She's still asleep?" Maura looks at the sleeping girl on the couch.

"Yeah. What do I owe you?"

"We'll call it even if you give me a cup of coffee."

"You sure?"

"Yeah," Maura nods.

Jane pours Maura a cup of coffee. Maura joins Jane in the kitchen. Jane leans against the counter.

"Can I ask you a question?" Jane begins as Maura sips her coffee.

"I don't see why not."

"Do you think that it's normal for an eleven year old to use the word diaphragm."

"I did. That probably answers the question doesn't it."

"You were never normal were you?"

"Not really. Why are you asking me anyway?"

"She used that word last night."

"She could have picked it up from TV."

"Maybe, but... I think that it's something else."

"No!" Peyton moans.

Jane jumps into action. She puts her coffee cup on the counter, and quickly bounds into the living room. "No!" Peyton cries in her sleep. Jane is at her side in no time. She bends down next to the couch. She kisses her on the forehead, "Peyton wake up. It's just a dream."

Peyton's eyes pop open. "Good morning beautiful," Jane smiles. Peyton sits up, throwing the blanket. "Are you going to be cranky this morning?"

"That depends, can I have coffee?"

"What was the answer to that when you were four?"

"No."

"And it's still no."

"Grandpa used to let me."

"He also let you stay up on new year's and eat candy, and drink soda. Do you remember how sick you got?"

"I'll never eat stale candy corn again, as long as I live."

"What if you have some sugary cereal instead of coffee?"

"I don't want raisin bran."

"You don't have to eat raisin bran. Maura brought you cereal."

Peyton turns around, and looks at Maura. "Thanks," she smiles at Maura.

Jane returns to the kitchen to get her cup of coffee. Peyton follows. She grabs cereal, milk, a bowl, and a spoon. She fills the bowl with cereal and milk, and then jumps onto the counter. Her feet dangle over the edge.

"What are you doing on the counter?" Jane questions.

"You do it."

"It doesn't make it ok," Jane replies.

Peyton ignores Jane, and eats her cereal.

"I think that I'm paying too much for parking," Maura comments.

"What are you talking about?" Jane gesticulates.

"I'm paying 1000 dollars a month just to park my car," Maura adds.

"So you're paying two hundred and fifty dollars a week, or around thirty four dollars a day. That's only about a dollar forty an hour," Peyton recites.

"Maura you don't pay for parking," Jane comments, "You're allowed to park anywhere you want."

"I know."

"So why would you say that?"

Without missing a beat, "She was testing me," Peyton replies.

"You're good," Maura admits.

"Anything else you'd like to know?" Peyton questions.

"What's your favorite subject?"

"I don't have one, I like to read about everything."

"How many phalanges do we have?"

"Total?"

Maura nods. Jane stares at the both of them questioningly.

"Fifty six," Peyton replies.

Jane looks to Maura, "Is that right?"

"Yes," Maura nods.

"How did you know that?" Jane questions.

"I read, all the time. Do you know how many overdue library books I've accumulated? No matter what town we live in I always have a library card. And once dad worked for a printing company. He would bring home books that were defective."

"How old was she when she started reading?" Maura queries.

"She could recite books from memory at two. I bought her _Baby Farm Animals_ when she was two and half, and that was the first book she ever read. By the time she was three she had read fifty books. I remember because we bought them at a library book sale for a nickel a piece."

"How did you get her to read at such a young age?"

"I read to her from the time she was in-utero."


End file.
